My shrink I think finally got a clue since my better half kept dragging me in there to argue, he did not like me to argue with her though. He even admits she screwed up but had good intentions. Whatever as my teen would say. But she chilled out and slowed down the cuts. She said the last time I sasw her "you really do have bad withdrawals"... duh, ya think? But does not listen to me, mainly my husband he had to repeat all of what I said about the withdrawals to get her to listen, so I make sure he is always there during it since 99% we are on the same page. She did finally listen that I do not want drugs and is leaving me be with my cuts on my own and acted surprised that someone who is addicted does not want to stay on it or increase it. I may be addicted but that is why I want off, not to say some days my body begs for it painfully! It was a smoke screen, a mask, not healing. I did not even know the dose I was on was so high. How can you take that much xanax daily just to be normal most of the time and still have attacks and be surprised I have withdrawals???? She gave me my alotted amount of refills for 2 months so I don't have to see her for a while a couple months, I see my CBT guy once a week. He knows I know what is going through my mind and told me no one knows better what is going on in your head than you, and right he is.

I think she may expect me to crash and burn. But as many crashes I have had coming off and as much as it hurts, every step down makes me feel empowered. I will NOT burn, I will succeed in this through threapy and time! Some days I may feel like rolling over and dying but others I see how far I have come. I may just stick with letting her cut my dope, just so once I am off I can snub my nose at her, I am just onry that way... has nothing to do with my issues LOL.

I have to add about what goes on in my head... The CBT guy says only I know what is going on but it is unreal at the insight Anthony has from what I have read from him, feels like he has a pretty good grasp what is going on in it even from so far away.