deja vu: once I “knew” people, I could “read” them, know what they were up to, thinking, when they would call, what they were going to say, knew what was going to happen. I was good at it. Now it's mixed up. I am still good at reading people and am still right every time but it is mixed with healthy suspicion, mistrust, anxiety from the ptsd so it is not reliable anymore.
I don't have faith in myself anymore. It is very difficult when you are in the midst of a conspiracy that's not a result of paranoia but is real.
Sometimes I see a movie in which a person goes threw the same ordeal. "presumed innocent", "the net", with sandra bullock, "no way out" with kevin Costner. Innocent people who were set up by the system, the government to take the fall.
At some time I started thinking that I really was insane, but my therapist kept on going all by herself trying to enter my mind and erase the brainwash effects of the prosecutors. In my country it happens that b/c of the pressure and the brainwash of victims they finally admit having killed someone they haven't even met.
It takes years before those people are rehabilitated if it happens at all.

death: I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Are all these losses making us stronger because we detach ourselves from our feelings? Are we immune for death? Have we harnessed ourselves that much that we can't feel what is happening around and inside us?
We see in reality and in our minds the pictures, is that a kind of exposure? We numb ourselves by accident because of what we have to go over and over again in our heads. Is this a protection mechanism of the brain? Does the brain do this on purpose or is the brain shutting down because it can't do anything else about it? Is it a brainwash done by the brain itself?
Maybe the mechanism wears out in time, or isn't stand by after a while and the death of a friend can cause a jolt an electrical shock to the brain that makes it wake up from its slumber state. Like waking up from hibernation also a mechanism completely ruled by the brain. We wake up when it is safe? Is it then that we start to function again because our brain gave its permission? You got sick, you lost someone again and then your brain gives itself a jolt wake up wake up you must be awake now you must safe yourself and do something. As a result you suddenly have some control over you anger outburst, you can rationally analyze and understand patterns, behavior and the impact of it. Like ECT (electro shock therapy).
If I must act I found out that suddenly I could do a lot, which I normally can't do at all. After that I slide away in my slumber state again.

Just some thoughts
Sleep tied, no dreams or sweet dreams, get well soon
give my regards to your aunt and uncle