I've been pacing around my house...
... I just can't avoid thinking about my upcoming surgery.

I'm sitting here trying not to think about it...
then I realize... how the hell can I come to terms with this sugery
if I'm basically still in denial about everything that happened?

I've had lots of stuff happen to me... crazy bizarre things...
but I there was one moment in my life that brought on this PTSD curse.

I need to share it... I'm hoping to get some relief from just getting it out and into words.
Don't really know how to talk about what happened.
So instead I'm gonna just post as far as I can get into the story,
hopefully at each login until it's all out.

Of course there may be minor aspects that I still will keep locked up inside...
but at least hopefully I will better understand my feelings towards this whole thing.

My goal is to get the whole story out before the weekend is up.
It's not that it's that long of a story... I'm just afraid all those memories will really exhaust me

So bear with me.
I'm probally gonna ramble lots...
But if I don't face this now... when will I?

(geez... I have butterflies in the pit of my stomach already... eek!)


Just a warning!!!
... anything I post after this may have the potential to trigger anyone who was involved in an vehicle collision, has trust issues, or ... anyone with PTSD...

You've been warned.
(if you need a virtual hug.. just send me a message... I don't want to make anyone sad or upset!)