I am frustrated.

I once read an article of a guy who had severe problems, he had some oprations on his brain and descended into depression. One time he decided to go into isolation and live his life for himself, as he stated no one could understand the problems he had. So he descended into his isolation buulding up his world anew. So he did find kind of salvation and could go back into society, now he's back at his university again teaching students.


After reading the article and letting the idea grow i too decided to get acustomed to isolation ... and it did change me, i build my world anew, and made me cope with it. I accepted what happened. Then i decided to go back. Talk to new people. Oh, and i had some expectations that were not met ... but somehow this made me stronger, mostly i can laugh shortly afterwards. I won't quit. This is my way, this is my mission.
But there is this invisible barrier ... it seems like i can't relate to people on a more subtle way, it seems like i am out of synchrony with them. No one did say that i am wrong with the way i see the world ... but they do see it in an other way.

Somehow it is like playing a card game, the rules are common sense, and if you play by other rules, no one will play with you. Because the rules are common sense, no one tells me the rules.

I wonder if i am not mindful enough or if i just expect too much.

I feel very alien to other people. Maybe i am all wrong and they do understand me, but it still doesn't work the way it did work.

There was a time when i was a playful guy, had lots of friends and could easily relate to others. Now i wonder what's happening.