I wanted to write something but got stuck in the forum. I read the trauma diary of batgirl. I wonder ... theres this ... damn my mind gets mixed up ... somehow i think that others have experienced much more or more harder stuff ... so maybe i should not complain ... ^^ but well we know that this is a usual reaction for people with ptsd ... "oh, no, i am fine, the others aren't." ... i guess what matters is the very personal subjective pain and trauma that one experiences. ... The thing is somehow i am fine, i have no more flashbacks, no more nightmares, less aggression, less fear, when i have fear i normally go where my fear is, thats something that i am proud of, but what did this all bring me? There are people that are envious, because i achieve things with less effort (on the surface), some are that nice that they do say this to me, i guess thats the best for them and for me. But somehow i am pissed, the things that seem so easy to achieve for me did cost much, and i've been a long way, a long way that i sometimes lack to realize myself.

I somehow feel that theres still a lie running through all this. I dont know.