Monarch, so so proud of you for discovering the most important self realization that matters most to you.... life. You can now see that there are other ways to cope, you help others as part of the person you merely are, and not for other self indulgent reasons. Very proud of you and extremely well done. You really should reward yourself IMHO... you have moved to a far better place where you can get on with going forward without such huge stumbling blocks within your path now, all of which we choose whether those blocks exist or not.

Well done....