Sorry I just quoted the cotton wool part because it was at the beginning. I meant to say the contents of the whole post upset me generally. Just it made me realize more that I am a burden on my family and a total ****ing loser. I dont want them to feel they have to care for me. Part of the reason I ran off was because I felt I would be relieving them of the burden of worrying about me when they should be able to just concentrate on Brian. I am not their real child, just a niece and I am in the way. And yes I am an adult too, really I could be living on my own right now, I have a job and some money so I could support myself. Other people my age are married, have children, etc. Colin even moved out just the other day and he is 5 years younger than me. And the most embarrassing part is I want to live with them right now, I am afraid to live alone. I feel attached to them now, I would miss them, so I want to stay. So that makes me feel like a big baby as well. Sometimes I think I should never have contacted them at all, they would be better off without me. Maybe Brian would still be alive too if not for me.