This is still very hard for me, it sucks but it is SO hard. I had a blowout with someone at work, I had to leave the building because I started to get emotional. Anyway, I won't go into huge detail but I completely blamed myself, punched my window in my car, I could see myself driving off a bridge so I went for a walk in the rain instead. I was still angry at myself and when I got back to my car I wanted to put my hand in the door and slam it as hard as i could, break my hand. It would give me something else to concentrate on, the pain. Instead I put my hand in the door and put my weight against the door, just enough to hurt my hand, bruise it a little but not break it. That helped a little I did the right thing, but then I was shameful of it, thinking to myself that I am a freak for doing such a wierd thing. I talked to my therapist about it yesterday and he said I am not a freak and I made a good decision, I thought it through and that was the best thing I could do at the time. I still have to work on not going to self harm at all but I didn't cut, I didn't punch myself I just caused a little pain instead of alot of pain.