Struggling some with motivation and feelings of impending doom. Was painfully awake all last night without any sleep and my mind focused on past subjects I'd rather just leave alone. Still always frightening to feel at a lack of control of what plays over and over in my mind. Unhappy with myself as I experience PTSD symptoms that I thought were gone, dead and buried. Seriously contemplating given up the cigg's that I've been using to help medicate and immediately replacing them with daily evening and/or daily doses of librium. If I'm going to be addicted to something, may as well make it the lesser of the two evils. Where has all my strength gone. I need God! I miss God!