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Originally Posted by bella Not really sure what to say..... I was raped May, 2002, by someone who I thought was my friend. I made the mistake of not dealing with it then. Not long after I began to have horrible panic attacks, nightmares, really jumpy and nervous, if someone snuck up behind me I would freak out. I didn't like being touched. He began to stalk me after that but finally left me alone after a few months. I started seeing a psychiatrist a little over a year ago. She told me I have PTSD. I still have a hard time talking about it. Sometimes I think I will never be normal again. |
It's okay to take your time in talking about your rape...I was already in treatment when I was raped March 19,2005...already diagnosed with PTSD from childhood and early adult abuse....still it was very hard to tell my therapist [Who I already trusted very much] and my psychodoc [who I also trusted very much] ....It also happened by someone I had a relationship with....I finally started talking about the rape to a woman I trusted at our county rape crisis....unfortunately that center turned it's back on me and offered me absolutely no info....no support....and did not have me get tested for STD's including HIV...they PLAYED with my life in that:angry-fla: After a few more months I ended up being hospitalized in a hospital 2 counties away...the nurse I opened up to asked me if wanted to talk to their county's Rape Crisis....so I figured that since I was in a "safe" place...I might as well....This volunteer was absolutely marvelous!!! Their rape crisis center was [and is] not a part of any mental health facility...she gave me info as to what to lookout for in my reaction to this event....and helped me to set up an appt. with a nurse practioner in another county... Still it was difficult for me to appear on my appointment day and I rescheduled several times....I finally screwed up my courage and went for the gyno exam...this volunteer went with me and encouraged me and was right there holding my hand...she didn't even mind that I squeezed her hand really tight!!! The NP asked me how I wanted to proceed with the exam...I told her to take it slow and with each step to tell me what she was going to do and then ask me if it was okay....which she did...That really helped me get through it....The night before I thought out what [u]I[u] needed to get through this...I decided to take my big flannel blanket to use instead of a supplied sheet or paper covering...I also took a soft fleece poncho with a zipper down the front [that covered my upper body and I could just expose 1 breast at a time] The NP was very gentle and quiet and calm which helped me stay relatively calm....I made it through with only a brief [to me it seemed forever!] flashback....when the volunteer and I left that office/exam room...we went down a hallway with origional large framed pictures/artwork...they were very moving and we took our time talking a bit on our viewpoint of what we each "saw" in the pictures....That in itself was very healing for me as I really liked doing that sort of thing....it was also a reward for screwing up my courage and getting done with what I needed [healthwise] to do...The volunteer walked me out to my van...and after she left I seemed to notice the warm sun cool breeze and the country nature around me....I just sat outside my van hugging my rabbit...for awhile and soaking up the nature experience...I hadn't even been aware since the rape of much of anything...that experience was so healing that I had just "come back into the light" after a very long stint in a "forrest of darkness"....I finally felt I could "go on"....I would suggest that you also meet with a rape crisis volunteer and see a therapist who's familiar with sexual trauma as well as seeing your psychiatrist [I call mine my psychodoc!!] I don't know if you are seeing yours weekly which is usually NOT the case...Yes I still have flashbacks of the rape...included with the ones of my youth-occuring Trauma...Don't think that the rape was your fault either or that it took awhile for you to go for help...From my own experience...rape is a horribly traumatic event...You got help when you were ready!!!! Be gentle with yourself like doing something you really like doing for at least 1 hour a day....make it a priority!!! [ I create art !!] You are very SPECIAL!!!!! Treat yourself that way!!! Don't let criticism from others get under your skin..[ something I had to keep practicing...I used a lot of deep breathing when I got angry at what crap others tried to "lay on me"] You now have with this forum to get lots of support and you can say pretty much say whatever you need to say....You are SAFE in our community...WE CARE!!!! I CARE!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!:kickass:
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wildfirewildone