Overcoming self harm took me a long time. I understand the impulse. Not to mention suicidal thoughts...

You did make the best decision you could. It's important to cut yourself some slack, and identify that ANYTHING different when it comes to self harm is good in relation to trying not to cause as much damage etc.... its ultimately a step in the right direction. For me, the first was delaying when I would self harm. This was the longest and hardest, as I felt that in the end it always got me. But I did learn to sit with emotion better than I did. Then I learned to break the cycle of always self harming with certain emotions. I almost felt disloyal to the one and only thing that helped me. I guess my point is that the fact that you leant on your hand rather than breaking it shows intention to change it. Well done, that's pretty big too you know.

Your committed decision to live was great to read. It can be hard to let go of the one thing that you think is the ultimate get out clause, often it is as much about safety as it is desperation. It's scary to commit to life, no matter what. One I still struggle with. But I think it's amazing, this corner you have turned.

My hat goes off to you.

Lisa