Hi Cookie!

When traumatic things happen, it's common for people to just be emotionally numb about it, not feel any emotional connection at all, and think that they have succeeded in 'coping' with it; but it's trapped under the surface and can rear up any time later. If you don't mind my asking, were there any aspects of your emotional life over the years that felt a bit dead or suppressed? That can often be so. Depression is often described as anger turned inward, so the depression can also be seen as an upsurge or release of what has been buried so long. I empathise with the feeling that it just won't ever go away, but once you find the right tools and information, and process what prompted the condition, you can start to master it and get your life back. It is painful, but you'll come out of it with a deeper knowledge and wisdom. You've made a good start on that process by opening up to us. Welcome!