So I need some opinions on this...


Tonight while fooling around on the computer I came across my son's my space profile. I almost cried. My son will be 19 in Aug. I have not seen him in almost 12 years.

I gave his dad custody when J was about 5 (in 93 after my mom died). At the time I thought it the best decision as it would provide him with some stability. I continued to see him for about a year after that. I then moved to another town and was out of contact for about 3 mo (his dad knew that this was going to happen). When I tried to resume contact his dad stalled. It took almost a year but after leveling a couple of threats he agreed to bring him out.

I saw him twice. The last time was on Mother's Day. We walked up and had the kid's (him and his sister's) pictures taken at Sears. On the way home J ran into the middle of a freeway off-ramp saying he "just wanted to die like ****" , a family friend who had commited suicide a couple of years before.

I tried to talk to his dad but got a limited response. Then I talked to a lawyer and got some really bad advise. The lawyer looked at court records and said that his dad had never filed the court papers. That technically I still had custody. This was actually untrue (the papers were filed under J's name which they should not have been but anyway she never checked that). She told me just to keep J so that he could get counceling. Actually what I told his dad was that I would not let him take J until I saw the papers and to bring them with. He didn't and I didn't let J go. He was also very late in picking him up and had been drinking - he did have a friend with him so maybe Monty was going to drive. The police were called and eventually J went with his dad. A week or so later I got a letter saying that
I could see J only if his dad approved. This was from his dad's lawyer not a court order or anything. Shortly there after they moved and I have not heard from them since.

So my dilema is this. I really want to send J a message. I can do that through My Space. The thing is his dad raised him. And as angry as I was at the time I have mostly forgiven him. I pretty much figure we were both young and stupid and really scared. Anyway, not only do I have no idea what has been said about me (he calls someone else mom - that much I do know) but I am not looking to step on toes either. But this is my baby and I want to see what he looks like and hear his voice.

So this is my question. Do I send him a message (don't have a clue what to say) or do I write his dad a letter (first) letting him know I will be contacting J so that he can be prepared?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Jet