I have always been a really hard working. I have never slowed down until PTSP slowed me down. I have had problems in the past. Even tried sucide
when actually feelings hit. After being really numb for years. I had emotionally shut down from the age of 15 til 26. I thought showing no emotions was being strong. Not weak minded. . Started having nightmares of childhood. I could feel and that scared the shit out of me. So I tried to kill myself . I failed at the attempt so I patched my own self up and went on. No threapy nothing.

37 now

So there has been some bumps since then. But the past just keeps coming. I have taken some time off. I have also tranferred to a low stress job with my company. I will be making one third of what I was making before.

But I am so scared because I really dont think I can handle work at all right now. I am a wreck.

I have a great wonderful husband. I have never had anyone good to me in my life. My new car is paid for. House is almost paid for. Really there is no need of work other than insurance. But I have never depended on anyone. That scares me to depend on him. I worry about that. Even if there is no need to worry.

I trust no one in that way. I learned that from childhood. Been taking care of self since 14.

I freakin worring about everything. I should be happy. PTSD has me so screwed up. I sound like such a winy little B>>

Why cant I just go on like a normal freakin person.

Scared to go to work. I may break. And scared not to?