How amazingly damaging that he would force you to do things; esp of a sexual nature! It makes total sense that you don't feel like you can trust him or let him get close to you in variety of aspects...esp since his actions were not isolated incidents, but happened on several times! You have experienced trauma in your marriage, and it's not something to "kick to the curb." You are worth more than that. I am so angry that he hurt you the way that he did. I think something would die inside of me for my husband if he ever hurt me in that way. Have you talked about this in therapy? If so, what did your therapist have to say. Good for you for continuning to look for resources to provide you with the time and space to heal.