I feel panic as this all encompassing grip, it feels as though I've about lost control crazy, having a heart attack, and the worst ones make me feel as though my atoms will burst apart. I've had panic attacks since I was in the single digits (I have always suffered severe nightmares, to the point of ripped sheets and nose bleeds making my pillow case covered in blood, I also used to sleep walk, but no trauma that I can remember that would cause panic attacks in one so young), I would run to my parent's room and beg them to tell me a funny story. Sometimes, when I'm in public with my husband, it starts to creep in, say at the market. My impulse tells me to grab like bleach and drink it. I try to control without a scene, and my vision will go white. It really begs the question why exsist when the existing is so painful. I'm not being suggestive or suicidal at all. I had a really hard night and now I have 8 bright red reminders to memorialize it. I haden't cut for two and a half months. Now it's just I'm so, so tired.