First, thank you all for responding, I can barely type through my tears…

Nov Silence,
I agree with you, I feel like something has died inside of me after what my husband has done. I haven’t told my therapist everything because, a while back, I made the mistake of telling my doctor about an incident & almost lost my son. A few months ago, I walked away from my husband during an argument & he threw a heavy coffee mug “at the wall” but instead, it hit & shattered on my spine. I fell to the floor & couldn’t get up for a good 5 minutes because of the pain. During that time, he refused to help or call 911. During my next exam, my doctor asked how I received the injury & I told her. The next morning, Child Services knocked at my door. Apparently, if your spouse hurts you in this state, they consider it child abuse because it could have been them. I fully understand their point & since I didn’t want to lose my son, my husband agreed to anger management. Since then, we’ve talked about reconciling as well as divorce & I honestly doubt we’ll stay together. However, he says if we divorce, he’ll get sole custody because of my PTSD and other physical/medical disabilities. I hope he’s not right because my son is the only reason I get up each day!

Midnite,
I am so glad you have a supportive husband (I wish mine would take lessons) and I’m happy you’re back on track & healing once again. For me, I don’t know what my husband & I are going to do from one minute to the next. Sometimes he seems so sincere & wants to work things out but, a minute later, Mr. Hyde rears his ugly head! Today, he actually said, “Why can’t I just get over it and get on with my life!” I am still in complete shock – I didn't even know how to respond!

Marilyn S.,
Wow, here come the tears again! I know you speak the truth & are 100% right about it not being my fault but, I’m caught in a catch 22 (if I tell someone, they’ll take my son away, if I don’t tell anyone and my husband & I divorce, he’ll take my son away). Either way, I lose the light of my life. Also, I know firsthand how damaging court systems & foster care can be (I was stalked & raped in one) so, I am trying to figure out the safest plan that doesn’t involve that type of risk. My therapist is also helping me with my disability request because she believes we’re heading for a divorce & I could use the assistance. In the meantime, if we cannot resolve our issues, I have my backup escape plan in place. I just wish I didn’t have to struggle & fight every minute of every day. I’m so tired of dealing with old & new trauma, I just want one minute of peace! Anyhow, I’m going to end on a good note... My son does give me hope - he’s my fuel to carry on. He makes me so proud (today, he put on his shoes all by himself!). What’s better than that?

P.S. Tiana,
thank you also for giving me hope that there are still caring individuals out there! I’m glad you have a patient husband who understands your discomfort about intimacy. I am also Not a romance fan & cannot sit through an intimate display of affection on the tube! But, I hope we can work through our problems because, I’m sure we’re missing something special in our lives

Anyway, thank you all again (I feel better) & take care as well.