Hi Nafe,

I am always amazed at the harm that trauma can cause and the lengths that spouses/partners will go to, to support them. Obviously you care for her very much otherwise you wouldn't be here seeking answers. We don't profess to have all of the answers but a couple of things might put you on the right track and alleviate some of your stress. First, as far the finances go, you would not be the first person to take control of the finances to keep that stress from your life. Your fiancee is not the first person I have heard of with PTSD to be a less than frugal with money. Sure it doesn't make you happy but you can't live without out, and being in debt just adds to your stress. Perhaps you could look at strategies to limit her spending possibilities also perhaps consolidating your debt might ease some of the burden.

Anthony's advice regarding counselling for both you is also sound. As a partner, you need to take some of your load off........even if it is just with a good mate at the pub for a beer. Although speaking to someone with experience of PTSD will really help. Please don't fall into the trap of feeling guilty about what support you can and can't provide for her. Partners have needs and limits too!! You are still there, you love her, thats a better start than a lot of people have. Please give yourself some credit, you didn't know about PTSD before you met her and I'll wager that she doesn't know a lot about it herself. Oh and just for the record, your human too and allowed to have 'bad days', this is not the exclusive domain of those with PTSD!

Which leads me to my next point - education. Depending on what stage of PTSD your fiancee is at will determine how open she is to further educating herself on PTSD but that doesn't stop you. It will also help, trust me!!

She needs help, support and boundaries. You need to take care of you and be careful and clear about what rubbish you will and will not tolerate. Support and loving does not necessarily equal taking excessive rubbish off anyone - PTSD or not. Be kind with both of you and give yourself the well deserved recognition of wanting to support her. I hope this helps, please feel free to post anytime.