Self diagnosed. From the age of 12 to 18 I lived in a state of phobia, anxiety, and depression due to feeling threatened by my father. I hid in my bedroom, I detached myself, I practised a 'poker face', I did not react, I tried to become invisible. The result was depression, spacedout, hypervigilant, heightened startle response, anxiety, all of these still persist.
I experience memory problems, mostly longterm but also shortterm. I have problems learning new things. I'm constantly anxious and hypervigilant, I experience anhedonia (lack of pleasure), I 'can't' plan for a future, I don't know what it is but now that i've read it as a symptom (sense of foreshortened future) I can at least understand it as part of this syndrome. I'm occasionally explosive. I feel anger and agression inside. I feel bunged up and also numb.
Does this sound familiar?
Thankyou
Julie