Hell, yeah I relate... that could SO have been written by me!!

I don't really have a magical answer either... however... why do you think it is so awful that the past affects you? Pasts affect everyone. People who have good pasts, are positively confident (sometimes somewhat ignorant), but most have something in their past that impacts on them still. Unfortunately, yours was traumatic. Very bad experiences leave their mark when ignored and not processed. But it doesn't mean it has to be this way forever....

Thing is, as much as living in the now is really where a focus should be... this form of positive reconstruction can be misleading. Nobody forgets their past... nobody lives permanently in today unless they are a retrograde amnesiac. Everybody's past plays a part in today. The trick is learning to feel okay about the past, get past the trauma... and to a point where it doesn't affect you so severely and constantly. I can't blame you for that frustration at all. But I know with me... I have spent my life trying to be an emotional plank of wood - but it's not what being human is. And you can't achieve it. I'm just learning now that trying to shove out ANYTHING from the past is just making life worse. Thinking I can successfully do this is impossible, but I've sure as hell spent a long time being convinced if I tried hard enough I could.It just leads me to hate myself more... which makes me more determined to defeat what being human is... which makes me hate myself more... now I realise if I continue, I will self destruct.

Ease up on yourself, mate. It's not your fault that you have PTSD. It's not something you can 'just snap out of'. And in reality, if somebody told you to, you'd tell them where to go right? So why are you passing such harshness on yourself? Reading a book on living in the now isn't going to solve it. It's a process of moving through PTSD... which will lead to living in the now, sure. Adapt the book to aid that process... miracles never happen overnight. Just being told what to do doesn't solve it immediately either... it's about re-learning, re-processing, re-practicing, refining, and moderating yourself. But once the ball gets rolling, I hear that it keeps on rolling with the work.

Keep on keeping on.... and vent whenever the need arises, sometimes its better just to get it out so vent away and away on here rather than spiralling in your mind into self-rage. It's much healthier. And maybe you've got a fair bit of anger to get out about the impact your past has had on your life... the day you are angry at those who caused it will be the day you turn one of the biggest corners of your life.

Hang in there.