My youth I aslo spent dodging pedophiles, seeing horrible things, even before my random violent attack. Like you, to this day I'm never safe, I always carry a weapon of some sort. It was like they could smell something on me, like I was putting out some kind of sign that said, "Come and get me". No matter how much power I felt I had, I felt that much more vunerable. It's the same today.
I also had panic attacks as a child. In the single digits, I would run to my parents room and beg them to tell me a funny story any time that "death" feeling came.
I feel we have so much in common in the way of symptoms and backround. Saying that, I can't imagine what you've gone through. I wish for you some peace of mind, and I think you came to the right place to get it.
I say this a lot, but it's so true, there are so many good people here, and the forum provides great information. For me, it helps so much to know there are so many others who can understand me.

Welcome, Sputnixx, and Bless you!