I went through some crap tonight. Sudden deep emotions, yeah. 87 min.'s of a 90 min. AA meeting and I mostly enjoyed myself. I felt relaxed, accepting and tolerant and then in the las 3 min. went so freakin high listening to simple 'Highly Triggering' stupidity being spread and spoken like it's expert awareness and that All should grab hold of this ignorance and put it into immediate practice.

What it was all about was bullsh't. It was suggestive of shame, worthlessness and failure. The words were repeated: Nothing',.... Nothing',.... Nothing,....Nothing stronger than an aspirin or your not sober. She can take her solution to her addictions and tuck it where the sun don't shine. I can just now recall voices of past people saying, "You're only angry bc the truth hurts." And, "alcoholics don't like the truth... blah... blah... blah, alcoholics can't accept the truth."

Bullsh't, .......FAMOF, the Truth puts me at ease, makes me breath easier, allows me to just Be, and generally renders me happily quiet, by way of just having seen and come to know again that there are many others in this world that have a freakin clue.

I imagine I must sound pretty self-righteous right now, but that's not, IMHO, what my hurt, fear, frustration and anger is really all about on this subject. The ignorance and bullsh't is endless in AA meetings available for me to attend, and yet I still feel the need to subject myself to the likelihood of hearing and witnessing it at times. I like completely lose my tolerance for it too often and where does all the excess energy go....generally deep down inside me, bc my reality is that I just can't keep up with it all. Sitting back, feeling helpless and powerless while witnessing and experiencing others and myself be brainwashed by crap infuriates me bc it hurts me so deeply to not know how to protect myself and others, stop it all and make the abuse(r) go away.

There's little I can do about mine or others occasional ignorance and bullsh't, but spreading, constant non-stop crap...brainwashing at it's most dangerous to extremely vulnerable people and stupidly or manipulatively passing along damaging notions to unsuspecting others as if it's expertise or truth just pisses me off to no end.

There I vented. What I wrote about, it all affects me so darn badly bc it stimulates, mimics, and causes me to remember and remember and to relive and relive again certain traumas, and traumatic yrs. before and after I found AA at such a young age. Just a vent, nothing more.

Hope