A diary will do you a world of good. Key is getting out all of your feelings now and coping with them. Again what you are experiencing is very normal. Getting it out and facing it can prevent PTSD. Learning coping skills. If you can be saved where many here had no clue what was happening until too late and we all thought it was a vet thing... Many neglected help until it is too late. The sooner you face it the faster you can heal. I am positive every person here would jump to help prevent this turning into PTSD as we know the hell.

Get it all out and talk about your dreams, your dreams are a way of dealing with emotions. You may not have the trauma itself but emotions in it as a type of training tool in dreams to learn how to cope with things as loss of control or helplessness. Start a dream journal. It will help a lot too in stopping bad ones.

Counsel may be delayed but we are here. Some one almost always and can help when your posts come out of moderation. I am sure you notice they do not show up soon as you post. Just a rule.