Sherry,
All your wishes are valid and possible, except maybe the moon and the stars. I think you have to put an application in with God for those, as quite a long waiting list has existed before you.
Knowledge is the key to open any door. I was raised in an environment so similar to your children that I can not only relate, but suggest a course of action. My Father always told me he was just a truck driver in WWII, fighting the Japanese. After he passed away, I discovered he was awarded three Bronze Stars during that time. I was only awarded one, so I can't even imagine what he must have encountered to earn the 2nd and 3rd. All I saw were the results, and wondered why he didn't Love me like other Dads Loved their children. The answer, I realize now, is that he had very severe PTSD symptoms, and couldn't, for the reasons I stated in the last post. I NEVER heard him say, "I Love you Larry", til the last time I hugged him goodbye, when I went back to say goodbye to him because he was dying of bone cancer. PTSD was in it's infancy at that time. He died, not knowing why he could not express his Love til that last act of desperation allowed him the freedom to vocalize. I never saw him cry until he told me that. We are in full awareness of our lack of emotion toward our Loved ones. Until we find out WHY we are different, we just beat ourselves up for being "less than" everyone around us. I am a Patriot, as I'm sure your husband is, or was. I volunteered for Vietnam because I believed that if my country was fighting a war there, it was for good reasons. I was never offered a disclaimer that informed me that, "If you participate, you will most likely develop PTSD, which will, at the very least retard your social graces, alienate your Loved ones from you, and at some time in your life, because you will have determined that you are just a piece of shit, the world would be better off without you, you will commit the act of suicide. Or, the symptoms may get worse.". This has been happening since the first warrior came home from the first battle. Warriors usually die alone, and wondering why they couldn't be like everyone else around them. When the war is over for the Loved ones and they feel safe once more, the War is just beginning for the warrior, and it takes place inside his mind, attempting to justify the actions that needed to take place to ensure the safety of his Loved ones. When a warrior says, "I'd kill anyone who tried to harm you", he means that quite literally, unaware that another, deeper part of his mind is gonna torment him because he acted against the part that contains his morals.
If you made it through the "why" of PTSD successfully, here's the Rx. All of your family, who care about this issue, need to get therapy to understand and deal with the symptoms. The warrior has fought alone as long as he can. It's time for the Loved ones to join the fight. Winning this war doesn't cause scars like the original war did, but it might enable your Loved one, your Warrior, to finally return home from his war victorious. He deserves it, he has devoted his whole life to your safety. There is no other way for him to come home, except to show him that you not only understand WHY he went to war, but that you are grateful that he made that choice, that sometimes the means justify the ends and he's not a monster, and you need him to come home now because you are safe and you've missed him. It all takes time, and hard work, and sometimes you'll feel the goal isn't worth the effort. But remember, he's still fighting those battles for you. The evidence happens at night, while he sleeps. Imagine the scariest thing that's ever happened to you, then imagine that when you close your eyes and drift off, it happens again. And again. And again. And again. He's protecting you, but at what cost to himself.
I pray that you and your family are as strong as your Husband, because, unless he's a maniac, he deserves strength in his support.
God Bless You for hanging in there,
WarHippy1%
PS: Vietnam claimed over 58,000 of America's young men. As of the year 2000, over three times that number of returned Vets had committed the act of suicide, because they saw no light at the end of the tunnel anymore. They died because nobody ever went to war for them. They eventually surrendered.