Of course there are some things that I could do without:
The depression, the panic attacks, the inability to maintain relationships. But my trias and tribulations have also give me a lot. On a deep and profound level I don't want to be like "them". I don't want to act like them. I don't want to behave like them. Much - most of the abuse I suffered was in broad daylight and even the police were complicant. I don't want my life and the suffering I was subjected to to be for nothing. I am strong - I litterally would not have survived if I were not. I want to make a difference. I want to do so much good with my life that the evil that I was subjected to is reduced. I don't want to be normal. It is the normal people that allowed the hollocaust and they are also the one that watched 500,000 hands chopped off on their ****ing TVs in Rawanda.
I know that I am not supposed to write about sucide but I couln't live with myself if I had to just give up go over to their side. It is the HATE I have for their apathy that keeps me alive.
I have some good poetry on this and related subjects. Is this an appropriate place to post it?