As you all know from my diary or postings, I've gone through some rough times (same as you) but, one memory keeps at me & even though it may not be as bad as everything else I've listed, it makes my heart ache because it has to do with my mother. She was a single mom with mental health issues & I've forgiven her for the way we were raised but, she doesn't remember anything about what she did or who molested me or anything! Selective amnesia I guess! She even called me up the other day & asked who was it that used to babysit me when I was little, "You know the guy that took care of the cemetary?". I was in shock since I had told her that he molested me when I was 6. Well I told her his name (I can still remember) & she was like "oh yea, I saw someone on tv that looked like him." That's it, like she didn't even remember what he did to me! Anyway, I didn't have the heart to tell her again - maybe forgetting the past is her way of dealing with pain (sometimes I wish I could to).

Anyway, here's one of the memories that keep bothering me:

I was about 10 years old & riding my bicycle up the driveway & past my mom's car when BAM! As I turned the corner, I ran right into her! I didn't see her because she was bent down cutting the grass with a pair of garden shears hidden by the car. I fell off my bike & hurt myself & of course I hurt her too. Next thing I knew, I was literally running for my life as she started screaming that she was going to kill me while running towards me with the sharp open shears. I knew she would too because when she was mad like this there was no stopping her fury & she would beat you senseless with anything she had in her hands until her anger was spent. Since I didn't want to be stabbed to death, I ran for my life around and around our duplex & everytime I ran by my neighbor's door, I banged on it for help & then started running again. About the 5th time around (mom was still going strong) my neighbor finally opened the door, pulled me in, & then locked her out.

My mom of course has no recollection of this anymore... It's fustrating though because I still do & I still dream of her (and other people) running after me trying to kill me... Anyhow, I just wanted to get that out. Thanks for listening.