desert4now,

I understand exactly where you are coming from with regard to the lack of emotion. Anthony does still struggle with that and therefore so do I. He is right when he says that he can show emotions to children because he is fantastic with our little one. I would be telling a lie if I said it doesn't hurt and upset me often. Sometimes I have even walked out of the room in tears, not out of jealousy but more disbelief that he can express such clear love for our little one and has probably done so with me twice.

In the early stages, before he got treatment and even at the beginning he would shut me out to the point of not speaking to me, about anything, for a week or two. Depending how he felt at the time. It was very hurtful and confusing because I just could not see how you can conduct a relationship without communication. I still don't. It is still difficult, although better than it used to be. I am stunned sometimes by his obvious lack of emotion to a situation that most people with reasonably available emotions would react to. One recent example is the cat landing on my stomach. I am pregnant and was around 20 weeks at the time, the female cat landed on my stomach early in the day and I couldn't feel baby move for most of the day. This baby is quite active and so you can imagine my distress. Barely a word from Anthony and one hug, under duress. A situation that I found distressing was made more so by Anthony's obvious lack of emotion.

Anthony has described it from his perspective, although I don't necessarily agree that possible vulnerability cuts the mustard with me. So, what you become vulnerable? So does the rest of the known universe when you enter a relationship. I was going to say that I imagine PTSD makes it hard to express emotions but I have seen this first hand with Anthony.

Desert4now, this is one area that I cannot advise you on. I haven't yet nutted it out with Anthony, it still confuses and hurts me. All I can do is provide you with an internet shoulder as I know exactly where you are coming from. I too feel everything and have been previously accused (from Anthony) of being 'too emotional' and 'too needy'. As if....... you wouldn't be in a relationship with someone with PTSD if you really were like this. To Anthony's credit he has made some headway with this but I believe we have a long way to go before we can really communicate on a deeper level and before he trusts me with his emotions. If I could pick one area of our relationship to improve this would be it. It really impacts on the intimacy of our relationship and I often feel 'alone' although I am married. Don't know that this will help much but at least you know that you are not alone.