My father died when I was 10, for most of my life he was completely bedridden. My mother was an alcoholic/drug addict who couldn't put down her bottle long enough to worry about her own kids. Our world was violent and scary on many different levels.

My mother and I were never close. She made it that way - wanting me to be cold and unfeeling. She created and gave me the mask I have worn almost everyday of my life.

As an adult every relationship I have ever been in has been abusive...and I was not the only one who suffered. I have 4 beautiful and amazing children and each of them has paid a far bigger price then I did. It is entirely possible that at least one of them will hate me for it.

Who should I hate? My mother...she neglected and abused me...yet we are more alike then not. She had lived her own hell with an end result that is not unlike my own - PTSD. Like all of us she was simply trying to survive, to get by in a world where even waking up in the morning hurt.

What about my son's dad...he was abusive and manipulative. My son's first two word sentance was a question...Daddy punch? He was 16 monthes old. He had his first breakdown at 16...and had depression issues the entire time I knew him.

Then there is my next ex, the father of my oldest and middle daughter. He would be easy to hate. He was extremely abusive...the middle child was concieved through rape. I don't know what his mental health issues were but he definately had them. He spent more time in and out of the hospital than anyone I have ever known.

And then there is Phycho Boy...my third ex and father to my youngest daughter. He kept us locked in a house for 3 years. He stalked me for several more (possibly is still looking for me but I am at the point where I really don't care anymore). He beat us, killed our pets, sexually assaulted me and possible my girls. Should I hate him...or should I hate his father, who beat his mom and all of the kids (killed the baby), molested them all, held a shot gun to his 4 year olds head and pulled the trigger (it misfired) , made the family doberman attack him and rip off half his face...but what about his dad's dad who beat and sexually assaulted his disabled child.

Several years ago, in a parenting support group I and the group were asked if we knew what an hairloom was. Of course everyone said the obvious things...Grandmas silver, Grandpa's watch, etc... Anger, violence, and hatred are hairlooms too... Passed down through the generations they spread like the cancer they are.