A part of me didn't want to read this post bc of how close to how this is. My mom has MAJOR selective memory... and it's so painful to know that my major deep hurts are invisible to her. But what I have realized is that I cannot and will not look to my mother to validate what I felt, experienced, still struggle with. Unfortunately, even though I struggle with the consequence of her choices, it's my life.

I still dream of her yelling, threatning, the knives, belts, shoes, etc and I wake up screaming no! And it sucks so fricken hard.

It's vital to share the things that haunt us. To hold on to them, to get lost questioning the validity of our feelings, does us no good. I mean, introspection is important. But this process is not meant to be done alone. I am glad that you are sharing, keep sharing. After a couple of deep breaths (part of me facing my own self and pain), I will read your diary.

Thinking of you, Nov