Okay, here I go again. I bit off a big chunk so, I don't know if I'll be able to finish these all of these today...

3 - 16: My mother had it extremely rough as she was molested by her father (my grandfather who sexually abused me). Her husband died very young & she was left with 2 babies & no one to help her. Her next boyfriend was a Vietnam vet with PTSD & he abused her in front of us (unfortunately not knowing what he was doing all of the time). I remember he once chopped up our Thanksgiving turkey on the kitchen floor during a flashback or fit of anger while my brother & I hid under the kitchen table in fear of being next. He also stabbed my mom in the leg, broke through our car windshield & pulled my mom out by her neck when we tried to escape one night, etc. Anyhow, I understand why my mom has mental health issues & I don't blame her but, we suffered terribly because she took everything out on us. I was deathly afraid of my mother growing up. Her mood swings were terrible; she would get into these fits of rages & just beat us until she grew tired. Even meal times would turn into forced feedings with egg timers, belt buckles, & beatings. The way I learned the "Our Father" prayer was over her knee & if I forgot a line, she'd beat me. Nothing in my life was normal & it got to the point where I would rather stay at my grandparents house & get sexually abused than stay with her and be physically abused & then sexually abused by the babysitter when she'd go out. At least that way, I was only being abused by one person at a time.

16: Okay, that one was tough & I'm sure I just touched upon how it really was... Anyhow, we did end up going to a foster home & I took my grandfather to court. It was absolutely awful as I'm sure you can imagine. His lawyer even said I was a precocious child and that "I must have asked for it." I was in total shock but, I said, "Yea, you're right, I must have been one hell of a sexy 6 year old!" The whole court system sucks & I feel sick right now thinking about how they treated me so, I'm going to move on.

16 - 17: While I was in the 1st foster home, I was stalked by another teen. He was big, strong & scary who had issues because he was raised in a satanic cult. He would try to touch me, assault me, break into my room etc. so he could rape me. I once came "home" & saw his shoes by the door but all was quiet. I knew he was planning something & I had to escape & think of what to do. I looked in the bathroom, behind the shower curtain & didn't see him so I shut & locked the door to catch my breathe and to think. All of a sudden, out he pops from under the kitchen cabinet! I don't know how he fit himself in there but he scared the crap out of me! Anyway, I believe someone came home to interupt his plan but, another night he got me. He broke down the door (I had put up a lock), & raped me. I got him off by threatening his genitals with my hunter's knife I was finally able to free from under my pillow. The next day when I got home from school, every possesion I had that was in my room was gone. Clothes, make-up, everything was locked up in the foster mother's room because she said I threatened her son! I couldn't believe it! I told my social worker what happened & she put us in another home.

17: Okay, whew... one more to go, I hope I can finish. This one isn't so bad because I was related to these foster parents & they weren't too awful - just very strict & they sided with my grandfather (never told me to my face but, I could sense it & heard about things they said). But, at least I wasn't being hurt & felt a little safer (for me & my siblings). Anyhow, we were eventually sent back to my mom. At this point she HATED me for taking away her little baby. I was the black sheep of the family & she couldn't wait to kick me out when I turned 18 (that's why I joined the military). Many years passed & family relations were strained. My little sister was raised to believe that I was the bad one in the family. I still feel sick that I went through so much just in an effort to protect her from being the next victim & she'll never know. I don't know if I can even bring this up with her but, at least I am happy she didn't grow up the way my brother & I did which I'm very thankful for.

Okay, I'm exhausted now. Peace out...