I have been with my husband for 21 years now and thought that I had nothing to add. But reading things here have brought some thoughts forward. Before I met my husband, I was a very good game player. And tended to attract the same kind. Makes for miserable relationships. After I got with my husband, it took a while to work the kinks out and learn that I didn't have to play games with him. That's also when I learned that game playing is a form of self-defence. A bad one, but one used a lot just the same. It's also a form of control since through your actions or words you're attempting to control another's words or actions. Again...not a good thing to do.
I've told my daughters (especially my oldest who is an adult) DO NOT play games. Be honest, be yourself. If that's not good enough for someone...screw 'em! Then they're not worth your time. I've also had to explain (a number of times in a number of ways) that being a legal adult does not make you an adult. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with who you are, how you act and taking responsibility for yourself and your actions. All of it...good and bad.
The mention of healing traumas with PTSD present requiring honesty was definately right on the money. At least for me. I've had to be honest with myself in ways that, I thought, were too humiliating to contemplate. But I've done it and I continue to do it because lies (even to yourself) only lead to more lies. It's a real no-sum-gain proposition. It's also lead to a deeper honesty in my marriage, my family, my friends and my life. It becomes 'If I won't tolerate dishonesty with myself anymore, why would I tolerate it in other parts of my life?' Yeah, I've lost a few friends, but I've gained a whole lot more respect for myself and better relationships with those that count.
Anthony you asked
Quote:
|
Why can't adults simply be honest and look within themselves before they go jumping to others, pointing fingers and looking for someone to blame?
|
Being an adult entails taking responsibility for your actions rather than pawing them off on the most convenient person/place/thing. Some people don't fuction like that and refuse to even entertain the idea. A heard a quote years ago about adulthood. 'You become an adult when you won't take your pleasure at the expense of another's pain'
Lisa