The letter to Sarge was a tribute, but written in a way that the readers could understand all that he had done for me in the past. Yes I did get scorned but out of protectiveness for Sarge. And yes, I reacted like a child defensively. But He was my mental understanding on earth.
I do appreciate the words, believe me I do. I do not need a teacher, nor a guide. I had one, and no man on earth could have filled those shoes so beautifully.
What I miss is the fact that there isn't a person within my world that can understand me. Not in the world. I lost alot of vets in a short frame period, and my heart is a bit broke up, but the area in which I currently live is not my cup of tea, and frankly I don't know what would be at this given moment.
It's just nice be able to sit in a room with another, without even a conversation, and know you are home with this person, or just in my own world, and not the room.
I have never had a home down here, and don't expect to, I have one waiting for me. I can give all the reasons why it would have been nice to, but the reality of it rings louder.
I did not get to grow up in a family setting, I was in foster care, but from birth, I was always given visions. I am my own reservation, and maybe because we went through many of the same things, Sarge understood.
He thanked me for many things, and I do know why, it just never merited enough for me to be, in comparison to all that he had helped me with, again my own thoughts, not his.
I was given visions for Sarge, things that made absolutely no sense to me, but were a bandaid for him. I am just the telephone, though I have to feel a closeness or the spirits have to shout loud enough when there is not one, for me to respond to the call.
I was born to pay a debt I did not earn. Well, debt paid. I just want at least one of my simple wants to be thought of, by the spirits that be. It's just in paying that debt, it caused a major distance.
It's funny how I could be the one to rope someone back in, but their are not a living set of hands to do the same for me.
I guess I'll just float around in the clouds, watching the lightning and letting mother nature take her front and center for a bit.
I am not looking for another teacher, and Sarge was for flashbacks, not as a comrade.
Again, the letter was written for all, in a few prespectives so more could understand. I do in writing most, not all, consider all types of individuals reading, and in that give them hope, in this letter, that someone does exist that could be a guide out of their hell.
I just wanted him honored, me very grateful, and others to have hope, that's all.