Well, I feel for ya, Anthony, because, yes, the children will always connect you.
I learned via my mother, very early on, the game of jealousy. Thank goodness I am allergic. But she showed me through her relationships, that she will never really know what love is. Games are going to be played in one aspect of life or another, this is a fact.
Some are born to forever drown themselves, and never "get it".
You seem to still get really bothered by her words, but as long as you know the facts about yourself, nothing should hit you and stick, just fall off like a leaf falling off a tree.
I had a neighbor wanting me to tell her what to say to someone she wants to break up with. She was trying to find words that made sense, but were wrong to the situation.
No one is wrong for a failure, it was faith that got you to enter it, but reality that made you see clearly. Some chemistries are just a wicked brew, as you very well know now. It's an endless cycle of live and learn. As we change so too will others toward us. What we will and won't allow in our lives.
You are growing and looking for merit that you have made right decisions, to my way of thinking you see it very clearly and realistically.
And as far as not rubbing her face in it, I completely understand that. That was a very respectful thing to consider.
Regardless of who it is, try not to let someone else have any negative reign on your life. Having ptsd is hard enough, and many will never get out of their hell, because once they are on the top rung of rescue, they jump from fear of the unknown, or scared of any type of change.
You are facing yours. Its a very brave thing to do.
My mom used to berate me, in my tender years, when I learned I had to change my way of reacting. I used her way, which was screaming. It never got anywhere, I and was left totally frustrated.
Finally I spoke with calm words, and said when she wished to speak to me, and could do it like an adult, I will listen. (Boy, did that initally start sparks of, I think I'm so perfect, etc. etc. etc.) But the more I walked away from the screeching, the more she had to view herself and make changes to get a word in.
With much time spent on this, she had to change, and I stopped being the door mat.
She is the main reason for me having ptsd, although queen of denile wants to be vindicated and blame everyone else. The fact was she was my legal guardian, and didn't care what cheap way of living my brother and I went thru, as long as we were not a burden to her.
I feel for anyone who has to go through this, but in order for it to change, we must change the way we react, every action, has a reaction.
If we can change a reaction to something negative, instead of the ones we have come to know thus far, it changes the way others behave toward us.
I demand respect because I am not the enemy, and won't be treated like the enemy.
I wish I could help more, again, you have your children to consider. And no matter what, it is those children that need to know from example on behavior. You can only control your side of it. Children are very quick to note positive reinforcment.
Hope something in there helps, think of your accomplishments thus far.