I am sitting here waiting for the vet to open. Had a full blown panic attack at 3:30 a.m. and have been gloomy and alone since then. I have this strong feeling the night did not go well and the only way to describe this is I am "hard timing" it right now with such a strong feeling of impending doom. I just have a very strong feeling this day is not going to be "okay". I spoke to my son yesterday concerning a possible amputation, don't even know if they could do it on a back leg with the cat being so old and frail. But....he would not want her to suffer, or have the inability to walk, he loves her so much. Grandma is taking my youngest this morning so that we can handle any affairs with puss puss, plus he is so full of energy and right now is not a great time as our nerves are fried. My older boy said he would come home tonight after work and stay until he has to go to work tomorrow, to help with the little one so that I can help and be with the one that is devastated.

In a perfect world they would say that she had a turn for the best and could come home to heal. But....I worked for this vet for years, years ago and I know this is not a perfect world. I will get through this, but I just hope my eyes don't swell shut and that I don't get to puking. If this does happen, we have decided on Cremation and we will take her somewhere very beautiful. My mom said we should put her in our garden, but....what if we ever move? So...I would rather place her in the mountains in Gods Garden and that way we could remember her there.