Hey, anthony thanks for your reply.

Today i'am kinda depressed, because it seems so hard to get that wall down again ... ok, at least there's some emotional reaction ^^ Today i wondered what perspectives i would have it the new therapy won't work or will be cancelled ... i guess that's a bit of negative thinking here, but at least i have plans b,c,d and e in order.

I'am impatient. I want it back right here, right now.
[EDIT]
It's like something in my stomach is screaming and wants out (not the alien-way though (; ) ... i guess there's much anger too ... at least i feel this vague, hmm, lust for destruction? ... I don't know where this will take me, what i will do with it.
[/EDIT]