Sorry, just a vent and my opinion. For those that come here please understand your unhealthy choices and living styles will be called out. Part of healing. Most end up here because we have been to doctors long enough and nothing works so we are left desperate. We are ready to die. I have been called to the mat. But no one seems to remember that as not as many stick around long enough to tolerate it, I have seen very few. He also held me up at first when he knew I could not walk. I have been to the hospital so often I lost my entire retirement in treatment and am dead broke. I had my gun safe removed because I was so close to ending it all. But I made it through and after all I had been through to fight to live I was not going to let getting better kill me either.

Anthony has walked the same walk as all of us. Hmmm. Anthony is not there as much as before for me (forum has grown) but I sure as hell listened to what he said the first round. Only difference I see is someone took my training wheels off now. I am not an idiot and know how to read advice given to others and myself in the past. I have also learned to customize it for me.

You must realize as a community we will hold your hand so far to help keep you up. But at some point we will let go and you will have to try to walk this walk too. Have to do searches and know we are not at anyone's beck and call. You will fall and get hurt but you will know how to get up. You just have to choose to try. We all trip and we all fall and we all come close to death and add to it relapse. If we had not we would not be here to begin with. Isn't healing worth facing that again?

I agree healing is pushing certain areas beyond comfort to almost breaking and want to die. You learn what does break you soon enough and you learn what you can push through. Maybe in a few years my breaking points will be areas I can push but I am healing as I am no where near the woman I was at my arrival. I am a new self. I have learned to care for myself, and have empathy. Am I 10 foot tall and bullet proof looking for a fight? No. But I found a piece of my soul and have learned to manage a lot of my symptoms. I pick up a tid bit here and there in therapy but not often, it is normally someone paid to hear me bitch in person once a week. Some things here will blow up in your face and others can make you sail. Trial and error.

Wake up and smell the coffee, healing sucks. Accomplishing it you see a marathon you have been running and look over your shoulder to see how far you came. It is not instant and it hurts. But stick to it and you can find peace fall on you a lot of the times. Find many nights of sleep with no nightmares. Leave a window open with no fear. Jump for joy you went 24 hours with no panic attack to being amazed you can go a couple weeks! Now who in the hell can say this fresh starting here that is bad? You just have to listen to those who have been here. Not a single person will say this is not painful. Many will tell you matter of fact it is quite the opposite.

And it is clear everyone here tells what helps them and how to help them self. And no BS made we are sufferers not therapists of any kind, just kindreds.

Off the soap box.