Hmmmmmmmmm.... ok, lets have a quick look here Monica with some questions.

You have been hurt by men within sexual intimacy and keep secrets of this, likely due to victimization you have suffered. Do you want to release your secrets?

Tell me about your support systems please. You show you feel depreciated, or unappreciated from them, even a little naive at times hoping they are/have been good. This is pretty clear from your low self esteem shown.

Mon, before your obstacle, there is another obstacle, what is it and please describe it?