Ant - I know that I have a problem with my thinking style, I can relate alot to just about everything on that list, I do it all, that is how screwed up I am, believe we are focusing on this in therapy. It is horrible stuff and leads to the self harm and all the other crap. I see it though and if I can slow down my thinking then I can process through it easier so instead of saying, "god Monica you always screw up everything, why can't you get anything right?". Then I think that thru and say " do, you screwed up this time, not everytime, that is impossible. Is it really that big of a deal, probably not so let it go." I am getting better at it but it things are really bad I go from 0 - 60 ina second and I don't have time to think it through and I get in trouble. Same with my anger apparently.

It is hard to comprehend that my thinking has been all wrong for so long, maybe forever.

You are right I need to give myself credit for things, it is so hard though because I feel so sad and shameful inside and I don't feel like I deserve credit. I will be working on that for awhile.