Wow thanks Anthony, that's a lot for me to absorb. Although I do have to say after reading, that none of it is a surprise to me really. I was expecting some huge revelation, but all of it is stuff I knew more or less already. I guess I know myself better than I thought. I do have a couple of comments and questions though.

This is so true, I've felt this way for years until quite recently. It's been very difficult for me even to make platonic friends here on the forum. In fact for example, when you initially started talking about visiting my family in Canada, my first thought was to kill myself before you could come see us! That's how bad it was, nevermind sexual intimacy with anyone. But I don't feel that way anymore thankfully.

I do feel like no one wants me, why would they considering how damaged I am? I feel like I would be a burden on anyone I was with. But what do you mean by feeling like you have been ripped off with intimacy because of trauma? Can you explain that to me please?

Yes this is so true as well, I am happy for the support I have, but still have the lingering feeling that it could all end at any moment. Often times it's like I'm preparing myself for losses that haven't even occurred yet.

Could you please explain this also? What do you mean by someone or something less than totally honest? I'm being dishonest or someone else is being dishonest with me? I don't really understand the statement.

Anyways I guess that's all the comments I had. Thanks so much for doing this for me, I appreciate it. I actually do feel quite optimistic having read it. I really have made a lot of progress mentally, it's quite amazing to me. Thanks again.