That's what I was afraid of... my first therapist had me cross my arms over my chest and gently pat myself on each front shoulder following each time she would have me follow her finger with my eyes. I remember it feeling too fast, the finger, I felt I couldn't catch my breath, she was too close in my personal space, she really didn't explain what was going to happen. The following weeks/months I was in a downward spiral, I cut when it had been longer than 6 months w/out 9multiple times), I was hospitalized for 6 days before Christmas, and, because of transportation problems one time, the therapist I'd made the most progress with dumped me. It felt like there was this gash open, I was saying out loud all kins of inapropriate things (worse than normal) laughing at the really wrong times, and feeling really out of control.
If you would have asked me maybe 3 years ago, I would have said the only trauma done to me was this, and I had the greatest childhood. Having shared all my childhood stories with my husband and friend from childhood who shared some of the same childhood with my older brother (3-4 yars) it sounds like either a red flag cautionary tale to those who don't watch their children, or real filthy reading for pedofiles. At 13 I was drugged with angel dust while smoking weed with a 24 year old in his house where just a week before he had me and a girlfiend over to watch a movie and have beer. He got us stoned that time, too, and I had a little girl crush on him, and I guess my friend did, too. He was her neighbor sharing the same backyard fence. We went to watch a movie and smoke ciggarettes and drink beer and be grown up. He put in a raunchy porno movie got us drunk and stoned, and as soon as I went to the bathroom (Iwas feeling sick for more reasons than the beer) and came back out was all the time he needed to get my friend in his bed, and I saw it.I felt I had no choice but to wait for my friend. When she came out, she was laughing and took me by the arm and told me I had to see something. He was laying there like he was asleep, naked on his back. It's another one of my life stories where I don't remember how I got out of it.
When I was 7 I was looking for a girl friend of mine at this boy's house and he answered the door in his underwear. No one was home at his house and he had to be my age, I think... anyway, he told me she was there so he let me in. I felt strange and only came in a little bit, and he was hovering about me and the door. I asked him if she was really here, and he said yeah, she's in the bathroom, but the bathroom door was visible (he had the same apt. layout I did, same apt complex) and open. I knew my girlfriend wouldn't go with the door open, and did an immediate pivot to get out. I don't remember getting out of it at all. I know my heart is in my throat, and I feel sick, but I don't see light or a resolution. There are more, some earlier, more later.
The thing is, I have hope with EMDR. What else is there? Now I'm scared to death.