American Mary, Manhattan,

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry that you are both now suffering the family effects of war. My husband and I have discussed this quite a bit since they sent Aussies to join the coalition forces are we are expecting another round of Veterans with PTSD, like you are now seeing. Trouble is for us, as it is for your boys (with the Gulf War) is the accumulation of battle/peacekeeping stress. Anyone who is deceived by the title 'peacekeeping' needs a dose of reality. It is certainly not the same type of operation as war but its stresses are still there, I know plenty of people who have returned from 'peacekeeping' operations who are never the same. Finally, they come home but then its their families who wear the impact of that accumulated stress.

I understand all too well where you both are at, at the moment. Your first best bet is to get them to counselling if they will go. If they have specifics and almost certainly they will, try and find someone who meets that criteria. Importantly though, that person must have an understanding of PTSD and deal with veterans with this illness. Anthony has already mentioned that but from a spouses point of view it is really important. From where they are looking, they need to trust this person and if they get a dud first time it will be a battle to get them back to see someone differently. Its a lot of pressure, I know, but research it well if you have the luxury of time to do so. Be ready to apply the 'kicking boots' strategy if needed, they will need a boot in the ass sometimes particularly if depression sets in. They will probably get angry at you and tell you to bugger off (Aussie slang for go away) but sometimes you can't take no for an answer.......especially if they stop taking care of themselves or become suicidal.

As for yourselves, you need to take care of you too!! If you can, seek some counselling for yourselves. It helps to take the load off because at the beginning of the journey it can be really rough. The upside to all of this is at least they both have recognised that help is needed. If you need a break, take one, if you can get some fresh air and/or exercise and find someone else (other than the counsellor) to talk to.

One other thing, at this stage if they don't want anyone (like family or friends) to know what is going on try and respect that. Those with PTSD often have trust issues and won't take to kindly to a breach of trust. I am careful with this even today and even though my husband has this website going.

Keep posting and let us know how you go or even if you just feel like a chat or to vent. Take care of you.