I am working full-time as a dialysis center social worker, but the PTSD definitely affects my work. Some days I just sit in my office and pray that no one comes in there because I'm so unable to focus. A few times I've had to shut my door so my coworkers won't see me crying. I would give anything not to have to work until I'm in a better place psychologically, but unfortunately, there is no option for me to cut back or quit right now. Luckily I haven't had to explain anything to my supervisor yet, but I get the feeling it's coming, especially now that I have a million therapy/doctor appointments coming up.

I mentioned this in my intro, but I actually went through all my years of college and grad school thinking I was going to be a therapist. I interned as a therapist during grad school and did well, but in the back of my mind I always thought, Who am I kidding? They're all going to realize that I'm more ****ed up than they are. Who would want me helping them? Someday I hope to be in a better place and pursue my dream, but it's just not possible right now. It's weird, because low self-esteem keeps me from doing it, but it also lowers my self-esteem that I'm not doing it - all my friends from school are working in mental health and it seems like I'm the only one who isn't. I went to a continuing education class yesterday and many of my former classmates were there. I ended up crying on the way home because I had to listen to their case examples and feel like a lesser social worker. I like my job, but it's just not what I want to do.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. I'm always too long-winded when I post here. :biggrin: