About standard scoring for a soldier riger, don't panic. I used to be on the worse end of all spectrums also, though have managed to correct that issue providing I maintain and manage myself. Its as simple as that... so there is hope yet mate, don't give up just yet... lots of hard work ahead, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you.
Lets work on this event riger. Please explain each of your feelings that you described above in more detail. Tell me why you felt those things, what went through your head. I know you sat their and felt helplessness, because I too have done it. People think war is all gun ho, but infact you have to sit and watch people die, and its often to dangerous to go in and rescue anyone, because the chances are higher that all rescuers will also be killed, or its out of your scope for protection, ie. civilians / militia killing one another, your not to get involved. So... what goes through your head with those feelings in relation to that event?