I realized I never replied to this and thought I'd do a little honest reflection. First, thanks Anthony for taking the time to reply to me. I appreciate it.

You feel depreciated by life, its difficult and has its ups and downs.
If I'm being honest with myself, I do feel pretty beaten down. Sometimes self-pitying.

Your not trusting in intimacy, and as a result of being hurt within intimacy feel sad and you keep secrets surrounding this hurt.
This is something I have not yet been able to address in therapy. I keep my friends and family at arm's length and have avoided a relationship for several years. In some ways addressing the actual traumas was easier than addressing the issues surrounding it. I suspect my mistrust goes back to:

1. Why did my brother hurt me the way he did? My automatic thoughts are--I must be worthless, and all people must be malicious like him.
2. Why did my parents do nothing, fail to protect me? My automatic thought is that I have to protect myself by keeping everyone away, no one else is going to help me.

You are quite sad about your support systems, naive at times, and wonder how long you will survive without adequate support, hence your poor self esteem you have.
Naive? Meaning I don't have a mature view of what I do have? I have been working really hard to be more open with my friends, to develop a support system, but truthfully I'm crushed to not have a significant other and I feel very different from others as a result--"Less Than." Sigh.

You have been victimized within committed relationships and feel like returning to childhood at times for that protection, security even, though have no commitment towards anyone or anything in life than you currently have.
This is a little confusing to me, but I do think that I'm trying to figure out how to feel safe and secure with people again, starting with my counselor and two dear friends. There's more than just the junk with my brother at the root of my mistrust--stuff with my dad and my ex.

Your largest issue is feeling attacked and hurt by a person in your life, though remain optomistic about your future.
You know, I do still feel optimistic. I am trying to change and get better. That's something.