Hello Nov,
No need to apologize for anything. Happy to hear you're doing well. And, what you decide is best for you, IMHO, is best for you. I mean certainly you would never being growing in understanding and healing as much as you're and have, without your personal experience, wise discernment and difficult decisions and ability to decide and choose for yourself.
Nov, unclear right now if what I've tried to say here makes any sense, so I'll say it again, short and sweet......
I have faith in you, Nov
! And, I trust
All of your process.
sincerely, Hope