used to live in the gulf and was out there in 90/91, was a bit screwed up but not too bad then gulf 2 came long and thoroughly flipped me past any sense of an edge, conflicts can end and be buried in the annals of history just for the same thing to happen again a few years later, for me it was watching and hearing the same things happening over again in the same places, avoiding the news would be a good idea, look at local papers or magazines or avoid online articles , if your in germany the health system there isnt too bad, i can understand what you mean about avoiding the va, but have a look around there are a lot of other organisations about, here uk, theres a few different organisations ranging from clinics for people to drop in to just meeting up with other people who have been through the mill and talking and helping each other, the best therapy i ever had was talking to an raf gunner at 2 am in a club, both been in the same places and had a good talk, meeting people who understand where your coming from is a good start, they dont judge and have been there themselves, here is a good place, there are a lot of people to talk to,im sure theres someone and something in germany,
1, you recognise you have a problem, 2, you can see some of the negative coping coming out drinking etc, 3, your looking for a way forward, its not easy to cope while things are still going on but there will always be another one further down the line, first avoid the news , i have said it a few times but it is worth mentionng again, look for patterns in behaviour or repeated patterns of thought or repeated phrases, these once noticed will help you understand your own cycle of thought and behaviour, try and come up with a mental note for when you are spacing out, ive got so if im going bug eyed and looking at somewhere far away instead of where i am i start tapping the back of my wrist which helps draw my attention back to where i am now, theres lots of ways and things that can help, but talking to a doc would be a good move, recovery takes time and at times in can seem impossible but there is something to look forward to, hope you find a home here, jon