Hi Kim,
Boy am I hearing you. It is tough a lot of the time living with someone with PTSD and sometimes it would be easier to strangle them - not that I am advocating violence mind you. My life is turbulent enough!! First Q I guess is has your husband sought treatment for his PTSD? I am guessing that he has seen someone for you to be able to lable his behaviour as such. Second thing is do you have any support at all? You need it, especially with children. This forum is a good place to start but if it is tough for you right now talking face to face with someone will help immensely. As Anthony mentioned VVCS on Thuringowa Drive, Kirwan is a good place to start, as they have qualified counsellors who at least have some working experience of PTSD as they see it a lot in Townsville. You could also call their 24 hour number if you need to talk to someone right away on 1800 011 046. Another group that will be able to help is a group called Partners of Veterans Association - these, ladies, have the first hand experience with living with a vet and one of their aims is to helps others like you and me. A contact number is:
Queensland
Bronwyn Fullick
07 5492 2756 (phone)
0411 071 793 (mobile)
She will be able to put you in contact with the local ladies in Townsville.
Helping you first helps him. It allows to you to vent away from the children in a place with others who understand. It helps. If you aren't up to talking to them right now, I believe Anthony has just sent you a post with our contact details - please give me a call, I will be happy to speak with you.
Now about the husband of yours. If he has got help previously and he is going off the rails, try and encourage him to get help again - not that, that is an easy thing to do mind you - I know. I used to get soo pissed off at Anthony so I started sending him emails and then not commenting about them. Not the best way to communicate but it allows me to vent at him and then allows him to absorb and usually (now at least) we can discuss it shorthand without all of the rubbish in between. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it when you are really mad as it will escalate the situation. Alternately, Camry, one of the members here mentioned the idea of a diary of sorts passed back between the two of you with things that you need to say. Like I said not the best way to communicate but it is better than you saturating in anger, frustration and unexpressed emotion. It also allows him absorb what you say without being confronted by the emotion. People with PTSD usually don't deal with in your face emotion very well, particularly if it is just another thing to make them feel worse about themselves.
If on the other hand, he has not sought help previously, you could always do what I did to Anthony. Tossed a VVCS contact card at him, told him he had PTSD and he needed help. Eventually, he got of his ass and did something. He is a much nicer human being now than he was back then.
Hard road for you...........soldier, grunt, male, PTSD.........all the blokey things that allow them to wallow in the nastiness of PTSD and put it down to just 'bein a bloke' or 'being one of the boys'. The only thing missing from that equation for my husband was the 'grunt' bit but never mind being a Petroleum Operator was sufficiently blokey and very male dominated.
Well Kim, a bit long winded but hopefully some relevant information for you. Please do not hesitate to call any of those numbers or us if you need help now! Take care of you and the kids,
Kerrie-Ann  |