Purdy, I want you to think about this, before you beat yourself up too much more about relapsing. There are four stages to PTSD recovery, which are:
- pre-contemplative
- contemplative
- action
- relapse
Your just sitting in the relapse stage at present, which when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and tell yourself this isn't going to continue, you will then move back into the contemplative or action stage. It is the known cycle of recovery, you will relapse, but its more about what has been stated, in that you know you have to fix you at the end of the day. When you make that decision again, you will move out of relapse on back onto the more positive road to recovery, but where you are now, is still within the recovery and healing process. You haven't actually moved out of it because of your relapse. What your going through is all part of the healing process.
I hope that gives you some food for thought about your current situation, and the strength to know you haven't stopped recovering. Your just not in a nice part of the recovery process at present, thats all.