Thank you, all, who replied. I agree that I need to learn more- I think I've been frustrated that she named herself in the past as suffering from something like ptsd, but in any given interaction, her reality is what it is, whether anger or frustration or whatever.

I have such a hard time just letting reality be what it is and not trying to convince her (or anybody else) to see things "logically"- meaning, of course, as I do!- that letting go not only of having peace in the moment but the letting go of needing to feel heard is what's so hard for me.

BUT, these perspectives are good, and are helping me think about what I need to do differently, and are part of how I just want to fix my own reactivity and reorient myself so I don't get angry or sucked into conflict, no matter how crazy I feel.

Does that make sense?

I feel like my first step is to step away from the conflict in the moment, both physically and emotionally, and then let things unfold as we slowly move forward and try to make decisions.

more later

thank you all!

j