I have been married to my husband Dave for 18 months. He is a Desert Storm Veteran who not only suffers from PTSD but has several other medical problems from his service. I love him tremendously and when I met him he had all but given up on life. He is a true hero in every sense of the word and everyone who meets him is drawn to his outgoing personality, good looks and sense of humor.

Dave comes across to most people as the person he was before the PTSD, because he doesn't like to let it show. He was so up front about his condition when I met him, I assumed he was in therapy and had told me he was on meds.
He is considered disabled by the VA and receives a small pension every month. He has been fighting with the SSA for almost 4 years now for benefits. When we met he was very up front about his financial situation. Me being somewhat of a 'superwoman' myself I was happy to take on almost all of the financial burden. I make good money and in the last 3 years I have paid off all our debts and we bought our first house together.

Because I grew up around a mentally unstable family I understood the implications of PTSD. I understand anxiety and depression and I suffer mildly from both now. I do not take medication for my anxiety or depression and have always managed to work through it.

The last 18 months have not been happy and have been some of the hardest of my life. Dave is on meds but none of them seem to work very well. He has never gone to therapy and has just started a group session this month finally. He is super sensitive and super critical. If he over-racts or puts me down, he justifies it. I feel like I'm always wrong, and fighting back makes me the bad guy. I stress about our finances but can't talk about the stress because he feels that I'm making him feel guilty for not having more income. He tries to cut down on our expenses by making me coffee to bring to work in the morning and packing my lunch. But then it seems like he he just wants to lay around the house doing nothing and leaves the housework for me. Or if he runs an errand and loads the dishwasher he is exhausted and describes his day as so 'busy'. He acts like the 40+ hours I put in are nothing and I feel like he doesn't understand how hard it is for me to be responsible for our financial well-being.

I have encouraged him to try volunteer work or to start a home based business- even as a hobbie, but he says I'm putting to much pressure on him. Sometimes I feel like I married a man who just wants to be taken care of, but I know his health is poor and would not be able to work for a regular employer. I've started to resent him and view him as somewhat lazy. I'm not sure where the PTSD ends and the person begins.

I found this site and am writing tonight because we just had a fight and I'm still confused about what I did 'wrong'. He says he hates the sound of my voice and will agree with me just to get me to shut up. When he gets really mad now he calls me names. If I say something he doesn't like he'll call me names in public, not loudly but in a hostile voice. I know people can overhear and it's embarassing and hurts my feelings. Sometimes if I walk away it seems like he waits to see if I will come back to confront him. If I try to talk to him I'm confronting him, I'm crazy, I'm a B****, I'm a C***. If I stay away then it seems like he will seek me out to confront me like he wants to fight.

I am so confused. And I do love him, but I'm miserable and I don't want the rest of my life to be like this. Sometime tonight or tomorrow he will apologize and say he is sorry for acting like such a jackass and that he loves me and he may even genuinely cry, but it's gotten to the point where it isn't enough and doesn't make me feel better. I don't know what to do and neither one of us has any family or friends to talk to. I am hoping this site will help me gain perspective and give me strength.

Andrea